Congrats on 12 years and sharing that story. More people should hear about these moments.

Well done! It’s so great you were able to quit cold turkey. You’ll live much longer, are likely to experience far fewer health issues, and have many more healthy years at the end of your life.

Sadly many (or maybe most) addicts cannot. Through some combination of compulsive temperament, impulsivity, mental health problems, or unresolved issues, they are unable to stop. Even when they know they’re addicts. My mother is one such person. She’s been seeking the answer her whole life. Religion. AA. Therapy. Exercise. Cold turkey. Multiple divorces. Medications. Moving country several times. Nothing sticks. She knows it’s killing her and can’t stop. I’m trying to convince her to take Wegovy as it’s shown to help with addiction.

I’m grateful that whatever combination of genes I inherited, I’m also able to go cold turkey. Maybe one day we have vaccines for it.

Cool story techbro.

Do you have a source for your assertion that starting businesses is becoming less popular? I thought there was a huge surge since the pandemic / AI.

I think "risk-seeking behavior" is the wrong way to categorize declining trends. It seems more like "dopamine-seeking behavior" to me, and my armchair theory is that it's related to the infinite scroll. Everybody gets so much dopamine from their phones all the time that they don't feel nearly as compelled to go out and flirt with strangers or get blasted on drugs. The iPad kids now in their 20s must have a totally different relationship with dopamine, for better or worse.

I don't think there is any good historical data on dopamine sensitivity vs. "risk-seeking behavior" on a large scale. My hypothesis is that technological / cultural innovations that raise everybody's dopamine baselines (lowering sensitivity) may be able to explain historical shifts in alcohol consumption and related activities.

I have armchair thoughts but would love to see more studies on this. There's no doubt that reduced consumption, taken in isolation, would be a good thing. However, if this is correlated with an increase in social isolation, the benefits would be more complicated.

Alcohol was a net-positive in so many ways for me. I talk more about that aspect in the 6 month post here: https://www.bobbytables.io/p/six-months-sober

Yes, I was also surprised with this narrative because that's exactly how I have treated my drinking years, And I very rarely see this type of honest look back in the community. A lot of self-reflections are either self-flagellating or vilifying alcohol.

I find it very positive for myself to basically look back at any period in my life and be honest about it without re-purposing it into something that it wasn't.

> that Alcohol was a "net-positive"

Statisticly: It may be a net positive in a scenario where you go to a party and drink once and by whatever coincidence meet your special-spouse-partner-for-ever. Then this is counted as net positive as well.

The reality is rather: Alcohol is a HUGE net negative on every layer for every individual etc. And regarding corp drinking by the way: I have never seen any relevant decission that was done drunken at a bar (like painted in all these business bullshit warstories)

And all stuff people tell after the second beer at the corp drinking bar is ALWAYS just pure bullshit, you should rather leave.

Seems plain enough to me, we don't feel safe so we aren't taking risks. And we don't feel good because we don't feel safe.

Just going to throw out a follow-up here since I own a bar and work barman to fill shifts from time to time:

Athletic IPA or hazy IPA are my favorite NA beers. Athletic does a spectacular job of NA in general. Also Guiness NA - the can with the blue stripe on top - absolutely delicious. Also Bitburger 0.0% is pretty good. Really don't like Heiniken or the other mainstream beer brands that have checked the NA box.

As far as NA cocktails go I really like anything with Cayenne in it or a bit of spicy or sour. Kombuchas are also great for sipping I find. I must warn against Pathfinder NA spirit - I don't know what they put in it and if you read the ingredients I'm not even sure they know - but I've noticed a mental fuzziness the next day that I don't care for.

Also if you are bar staff and someone orders an NA they may want it in a glass even if you serve cans, so that others don't realize they're not drinking. As a non-drinker it's super nice to be able to stand in a group with a glass of beer without any questions. This works particularly well if it's a trade/industry event where the group doesn't know you and they're all using booze as a social lubricant. I'm a little sneaky in this respect because I'll go to the bar solo, grab myself a NA beer in a glass and I've been in groups where they're exchanging drinking stories and I'm just like "uh, yup, cool man."

If you're curious how one can work bar while being a non-drinker i.e. how do you know what you're serving? In Washington state it's illegal to drink while serving bar, so our team tastes and spits when needed. I do the same - so I'm basically tasting drinks for customers e.g. making sure wine isn't corked, making sure a cocktail is made well - but spitting and after 3 years just have absolutely no inclination or desire to swallow any alcohol anyway. But as I said, any barman in this state has to be a non-drinker on the job so it works out.

I've never found a NA wine I care for. Would be great if an Athletic-like brand emerges in that space. LMK if you're aware of one.

> alcohol hasn't just permeated the fabric of society, but is the fabric in many situations

First, congratulations on three years clean. I respect anyone who can cut things out that they find problematic for them. However, the framing of alcohol as a social necessity isn't really true anymore. Alcohol consumption is in a widely publicized decline and alcohol companies (similar to mobile games in this regard) are aware the majority of their revenue comes from anti-social heavy drinkers. Just about the only circles I'm aware of that still run on booze are college greek life.

Sorry to hear. I've found that the best reason for me stopping drinking was how it destroyed the next day or two. And once you have kids you simply can't afford that as it sucks to not be able to play with them on weekends.

Maybe try lower alcohol beer. Your tolerance will drop after a while so you'll still get a buzz but takes a bit more time and much harder to get yourself in a bad place.

(if you want a fun distraction check out this SNL skit that your comment reminded me of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUPSTQSGb50)

1-2 drinks twice a week and occasionally having the odd night out on town isn't a problem.

> What resonated most about the blog post was loss of things I used to do with alcohol. I'm still just avoiding those activities

As a former alcoholic, I used to make performing and listening to music a huge part of my life, which I'd somehow convinced myself could only be maximally enjoyed by pairing it with drinking. When I had to finally quit due to crippling alcoholism, I figured it also meant the end of my music enjoyment.

Fast forward to almost a decade of sobriety, and I've not only sustained my music interest, but both expanded the types I listen to as well as how I listen to them. Now, looking back, I cringe at my stupefying ways of the past. It's like a totally different life, and it makes not relapsing that much more of a no-brainer. But again, it took years to get to this place, with plenty of trip-ups and self-deceit along the way.

Best of luck to anybody trying to find their way. Don't underestimate the utility of group meetings, including secular ones like S.M.A.R.T. as well as professional individual therapy to examine and understand the underlying root causes of your drive to drink.

This is totally normal. The first year is really tough. Takes most people 2-3 years to start feeling confident in situations like weddings, bars, bbqs etc. A good indicator is barely noticing the booze in these places. If you're focusing on the booze, you aren't ready. no big deal,it takes time. also recommend AA - find a meeting you like and get a sponsor you also like. That, along with outside therapy ideally an addiction specialist, and one day soon you might realize that you don't give a shit what people think of you and that actually you are really great and there truly is nothing to escape from.

"Sober" is commonly used by recovering/recovered alcoholics to mean they are no longer drinking. It implies that they were drinking too much, to the point where intoxication was a semi-permanent state. I've heard the word used this way for decades and I'm pretty sure it goes back farther.

For a causal linguistic reason, my guess is it's because sober is a fairly common word otherwise and is very easily pronounced, whereas teetotal is much weirder to say and has a pretty specific meaning, so one may go a long time without seeing or hearing it enough to really stick.

The etymology is also strange - it originally meant "T-total" abstinence from alcohol as in "total with a capital T". A funny word, we probably could have done better.

"teetol" has two additional connotations beyond simply "no alcohol" for some readers/listeners:

  ** abstaining from caffeine also
  ** has a religious motivation (e.g. mormons)

I think of “teetotallers” as being vocal about their abstaining, some to the point of strident abolitionism. Whereas my “sober” friends seem to speak of that more as a personal condition than a zealous cause.

I’ve gotten the sense from twelve-step types of friends that, for them, the “sober” sobriquet goes along with this idea that an alcoholic is never “cured”: that sobriety is always contingent, and that they’re always one drink away from sliding back to “a drunk” again.

I'm sober, both in the immediate sense and in the sense that I haven't had a drink in 23 years. I know that drinking is not a good thing for me, for many reasons.

If you want to go home and have a beer or whatever - have a good time. If you want to go to the bar later and have a drink - maybe I'll go with you and sip a fancy mocktail or something, we can take turns buying rounds. If you want to get wasted and party all night - have fun, I had a lot of fun nights that way (please don't drive though).

I'm not opposed to anyone else's drinking. I just know I can't.

Teetotal implies an opposition to all alcohol use. A teetotaler is against you drinking. I'm not opposed to that at all, I just choose for myself to be sober, for a myriad of personal reasons.

"Sober" in this context means "having overcome a dangerous alcohol habit/addiction". Pretty standard alcoholic terminology. Furthermore, much as they might enjoy a drink, alcoholics who have "gone sober" MUST abstain, as alcoholism is seen as lifelong once acquired and the risk of lapsing into self-destructive behavior is too great after even just one drink.

"Teetotaler" usually refers to a person who abstains from alcohol on general principles (does not like the effects, taste, thinks it's a moral vice, etc.).

sober simply means "not drunk", so using it for "haven't been drunk for X amount of time" isn't that extraordinary

and looking at google ngram, teetotal is just a much rarer word out of the two (like 100x), so it's just more likely to not get transmitted down the generations (I certainly do not know how to use it)

For males with physical activity issues when quitting alcohol I've been recommending Men's Sheds to hopefully fill voids in lives:

https://menshed.com

And for those who can't do it on their own, there is also therapy and AA. I've met plenty of people who developed a problem and cleaned up on their own. But some people can't, and 12 step fellowships and therapy are great for that. And of course replacing bad habits with healthy ones. Good ad for AllTrails by the way

The term for folks who fail to do what you’re saying is “dry drunk”. It’s a good indicator you’ll be returning to alcohol.

Why are you commenting?

Fuck along, now.

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Where did you get your adult? Not that I’d want one, mind you, adults are nasty and boring. Just wanted to know :)