> Can you exhibit a bijection between finite-length strings and the real numbers? It seems like any purported such function could be diagonalized.
Let's start with a mirror statement. Can you exhibit an bijection between definitions and the subset of the real numbers they are supposed to refer to? It seems like any purported such bijection could be made incoherent by a similar minimization argument.
In particular, no such function from the finite strings to the real numbers, according to the axioms of ZFC can exist, but a more abstract mapping might. In much the same way that no such function from definitions to (even a subset of) the real numbers according to the axioms of ZFC can exist, but you seem to believe a more abstract mapping might.
I think your thoughts are maybe something along these lines:
"Okay so fine maybe the function that surjectively maps definitions to the definable real numbers cannot exist, formally. It's a clever little trick that whenever you try to build such a function you can prove a contradiction using a version of the Liar's Paradox [minimality]. Clearly it definitely exists though right? After all the set of all finite strings is clearly smaller than the real numbers and it's gotta be one of the maps from finite strings to the real numbers, even if the function can't formally exist. That's just a weird limitation of formal mathematics and doesn't matter for the 'real world'."
But I can derive an almost exactly analogous thing for cardinality.
"Okay so fine maybe the function that surjectively maps the natural numbers to the real numbers cannot exist, formally. It's a clever little trick that whenever you try to build such a function you can prove a contradiction using a version of the Liar's Paradox [diagonalization]. Clearly it definitely exists though right? After all the set of all natural numbers is clearly just as inexhaustible as the real numbers and it's gotta be one of the maps from the natural numbers to the real numbers, even if the function can't formally exist. That's just a weird limitation of formal mathematics and doesn't matter for the 'real world'."
I suspect that you feel more comfortable with the concept of cardinality than definability and therefore feel that "the set of all finite strings is clearly 'smaller' than the real numbers" is a more "solid" base. But actually, as hopefully my phrasing above suggests, the two scenarios are quite similar to each other. The formalities that prevent you from building a definability function are no less artificial than the formalities that prevent you from building a surjection from the natural numbers to the real numbers (and indeed fundamentally are the same: the Liar's Paradox).
So, to understand how I would build a map that maps the set of finite strings to the real numbers, when no such map can formally exist in ZFC, let's begin by understanding how I would rigorously build a map that maps all sets to themselves (i.e. the identity mapping), even when no such map can formally exist as a function in ZFC (because there is no set of all sets).
(I'm choosing the word "map" here intentionally; I'll treat "function" as a formal object which ZFC can prove exists and "map" as some more abstract thing that ZFC may believe cannot exist).
We'll need a detour through model theory, where I'll use monoids as an illustrative example.
The definition of an (algebraic) monoid can be thought of as a list of logical axioms and vice versa. Anything that satisfies a list of axioms is called a model of those axioms. So e.g. every monoid is a model of "monoid theory," i.e. the axiomos of a monoid. Interestingly, elements of a monoid can themselves be groups! For example, let's take the set {{}, {0}, {0, 1}, {0, 1, 2}, ...}, as the underlying set of a monoid whose monoid operation is just set union and whose elements are all monoids that are just modular addition.
In this case not only is the parent monoid a model of monoid theory, each of its elements are also models of monoid theory. We can then in theory use the parent monoid to potentially "analyze" each of its individual elements to find out attributes of each of those elements. In practice this is basically impossible with monoid theory, because you can't say many interesting things with the monoid axioms. Let's turn instead to set theory.
What does this mean for ZFC? Well ZFC is a list of axioms, that means it can also be viewed as a definition of a mathematical object, in this case a set universe (not just a single set!). And just like how a monoid can contain elements which themselves are monoids, a set universe can contain sets that are themselves set universes.
In particular, for a given set universe of ZFC, we know that in fact there must be a countable set in that set universe, which itself satisfies ZFC axioms and is therefore a set universe in and of itself (and moreover such a countable set's members are themselves all countable sets)!
Using these "miniature" models of ZFC lets us understand a lot of things that we cannot talk about directly within ZFC. For example we can't make functions that map from all sets to all sets in ZFC formally (because the domain and the codomain of a function must both be sets and there is no set of all sets), but we can talk about functions from all sets to all sets in our small countable set S which models ZFC, which then we can use to potentially deduce facts about our larger background model. Crucially though, that function from all sets to all sets in S cannot itself be a member of S, otherwise we would be violating the axioms of ZFC and S would no longer be a model of ZFC! More broadly, there are many sets in S, which we know because of functions in our background model but not in S, must be countable from the perspective of our background model, but which are not countable within S because S lacks the function to realize the bijection.
This is what we mean when we talk about an "external" view that uses objects outside of our miniature model to analyze its internal objects, and an "internal" view that only uses objects inside of our miniature model.
Indeed this is how I can rigorously reason about an identity map that maps all sets to themselves, even when no such identity function exists in ZFC (because again the domain and codomain of a function must be sets and there is no set of all sets!). I create an "external" identity map that is only a function in my external model of ZFC, but does not exist at all in my set S (and hence S can generate no contradiction to the ZFC axioms it claims to model because it has no such function internally).
And that is how we can talk about the properties of a definability map rigorously without being able to construct one formally. I can construct a map, which is a function in my external model but not in S, that maps the finite strings of S (encoded as sets, as all things are if you take ZFC as your foundation) that form definitions to some subset of the real numbers in S. But there's multiple such maps! Some maps that map the finite strings of S to the real numbers "run out of finite strings," but we know that all the elements of S are themselves countable, which includes the real numbers (or at least S's conception of the real numbers)! Therefore, we can construct a bijective mapping of the finite strings of S to the real numbers of S. Remember, no such function exists in S, but this is a function in our external model of ZFC.
Since this mapping is not a function within S, there is no contradiction of Cantor's Theorem. But it does mean that such a mapping from the finite strings of S to the real numbers of S exists, even if it's not as a formal function within S. And hence we have to grapple with the problem of whether such a mapping likewise exists in our background model (i.e. "reality"), even if we cannot formally construct such a mapping as a function within our background model.
And this is what I mean when I say it is possible for all objects to have definitions and to have a mapping from finite strings to all real numbers, even no such formal function exists. Cardinality of sets is not an absolute property of sets, it is relative to what kinds of functions you can construct. Viewed through this lens, the fact that there is no satisfiability function that maps definitions to the real numbers is just as real a fact as the fact that there is no surjective function from the natural numbers ot the real numbers. It is strange to say that the former is just a "formality" and the latter is "real."
For more details on all this, read about Skolem's Paradox.