premise!=promise

ad hominem. gp did not demand/expect anything. did they owe /you/ anything?

Community, in whatever form that is. And community has broken down in the US, and has been for decades. It is a social system, lumbering towards failure (as many systems are).

Pew Research: Americans are less likely than others around the world to feel close to people in their country or community - https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/05/08/americans... - May 8th, 2024

> Differences by religion also emerge. Religiously unaffiliated Americans are much less likely than those who are religiously affiliated to feel connected to others in their local community (43% vs. 60%). This pattern aligns with previous research on interpersonal connectedness and philanthropy among religious people. Religious people tend to be more likely than nonreligious people to volunteer and give to charity – though they prefer these activities benefit others within their own religious groups. [My note: Religion->Shared belief tribalism, observation, not intended to be derogatory]

Pew Research: Connectedness to community, country and the world - https://www.pewresearch.org/global/2023/12/06/connectedness-... - December 6th, 2023

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone

> Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community is a 2000 nonfiction book by Robert D. Putnam. It was developed from his 1995 essay entitled "Bowling Alone: America's Declining Social Capital" in the Journal of Democracy. Putnam surveys the decline of social capital in the United States since 1950. He has described the reduction in all the forms of in-person social intercourse upon which Americans used to found, educate, and enrich the fabric of their social lives. He argues that this undermines the active civic engagement which a strong democracy requires from its citizens.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_capital

Much lower odds of default support on average, but not zero, and the odds are not uniform throughout all the red states or any given one.

For example, my small town in a red state was not accepting of homosexuality in general, but my church was tolerant, and my church youth group was affirming and supportive.

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Coupled with a system that tells them they’re worthless so they pour economic effort that might include some self care onto their wives and children?

Therapists aren’t great at it either.

its not a signficant difference though. 22% vs 23% for total reporting isolation.

> unitedstateians

We're going to need a better name for them. Trumpistanians perhaps?

I think it helps to live in a city. The cities have their problems, they're expensive and dirty, but there are loads of older single adults, and even an introvert can sit at the same bar once a week and meet people, or go to meetups or a weekly class and slowly meet people. Hell, in bad times even chatting with a bartender was nice.

Being in your shoes in a suburban setting surrounded by families and neat little houses (or huge fields in a country setting) I imagine is hard. I'm only making assumptions.

Have you thought about traveling long weekends or abroad longer? Perfectly doable solo.

I don't necessarily disagree, but if you want social connection and you're willing to work at it and endure some discomfort in the process, you can find it. From your perspective your situation is hopeless, but you can (eventually, with work) adjust your perspective and find a path toward a more satisfying existence. If you're able to work with a therapist I'd very much recommend that, and if you don't connect with your therapist find a different one. It's normal to try a few before finding the one that works for you.

That sucks and I'm sure it feels hopeless. But there are ways forward you can investigate. Look for a local community you can plug into. Ease into them and after some time you will be able to make the kind of connections you need.

My personal preference is a local church but there are other options out there. Club's around a shared interest you have. Community center events in your area. It's won't be quick and it won't be easy but you can reverse this.

"There's no way back"? Only if you cannot ever form new relationships.

Look, I'm not saying it's easy. And when you're in despair, the despair makes it harder. But "impossible" and "beyond hopeless" are lies. Stop believing them. Start trying to find ways to build new relationships, even if it's slow and hard.

How many upvotes do you have? I'll assume that will be representative of the prevalence of your case.

Sorry for you situation and stay strong.

"There is a generation of discarded people who have nobody left. When we lose our last threads of social connection there's no way back. Beyond hopeless."

It is not hopeless. You state it yourself - there are many people like you, so maybe try and connect with them?

Call 211

Learning how to develop a social network independently is a skill. If your partner leaving you collapses your social life, do you live in a small town where the narrative has turned against you, or did you simply rely on them to be the adult in the room and set up playdates for you like you're a child?

Go to bookclubs.com and start a book club, or join a book club, or go to a local library and do any of the social stuff. Go to a crochet club, even empty-handed, chances are the fiber arts people will have plenty to spare. These are friendships that have to be forged and worked on day in and day out to strengthen them, like a sword.

If you have the money, you could always hire escorts. Eventually you'll find one you click with and you can develop a friendly working relationship with a beautiful woman who will listen to all your problems and if she's smart, even maybe give you a valuable outside perspective on what you're experiencing.

Unfortunately, there are lot of politics involved in that. I'm in a traditional AF&AM lodge (male only and believe in the Great Architect of the Universe). I myself is not a Christian nor believe in any major religions. I believe praying/meditation is a private affair. I find being male only is hugely beneficial in fact. It doesn't mean that we don't have social activities with women. There's the Order of Eastern Star, and Jobs Daughters, Rainbow, etc., which we donate to and have social events with to celebrate holidays and awards, etc. They have their own supportive matriarch and sisters which is also mentally and socially beneficial for them.

Or you could just choose to believe in God. It's not that bad, there are worse things.

My lodge is also over 90% retired-age men, a few even over 90 year old... last month July 3 members died, but younger members are joining and replacement rate is probably evens out. The thing with younger men like me is we are too busy with work and family to contribute meaningfully to the lodge's operation.

I find men's groups with more structure do help with those problems you described. I wouldn't be so early to dismiss and suggest considering it with an open mind. At least for me and many others I Know, men's groups with a clear order of gather to discuss, and require and ask for consent before giving advice, with that recurring meeting being the main source of socialization; do not have as much of a pecking order nor lame topics. They have more authenticity and connection with the pretense being around connection and acceptance without performance.

If you want regular socializing with 2-3 good friends though, I think the friends made from a men's group would be closer to what you are seeking than from a random hobby-based group.

edit: in re to "even without competition a pecking order gets established" my experience has shown this to be oversimplifying it. The "pecking order" in a mens group is way different from a different group. the pecking order in men's groups with a structur-based leader, is that the leader gets the "alpha" status if there was one and if they are a good leader they aren't there to abuse that privilege. But since they should be providing it professionally (paid service) it isn't mixed with friendship as much. At least the "pecking order" there is oriented around serving you rather than random socialization without that purpose.

It's likely there is, though it might be difficult to find. One place you can look is the local unitarian universalists. These can vary widely, but often you'll find them open to all religions (including non-religious), and full of open, curious, non-judgemental people.

One thing about UU's is that it's not dogma based. There's nothing you have to believe to be a UU. Instead, it's covenant based. You are in the community when you adhere to the agreements of the community. These are usually things like mutual respect, deep listening, etc.