This is, obviously, an incredibly complicated discussion and any attempt to predict what the world would look like now if we changed a decision made 200 years ago is doomed to failure.
That being said, as an American, I think we were in a somewhat unique position to allow other states to voluntarily join us but we've always shied away from fully implementing that, basically due to racism as far as I can tell. (For a while you had slave state vs free state dynamics at the federal level which is obviously predicated on slavery existing in the first place, then after that you just had, garden variety racism about brown immigrants and stuff)
I think, in general, America deserves some degree of credit for actually making reasonable attempts to "free" the foreign states it ended up in control of, particularly in the pacific region. Obviously, obviously there are many other sins America is guilty of, but as any parent knows, focusing purely on the negatives makes for a child unlikely to improve.
The Philippines is a fascinating example of a group of islands that was independent but not exactly a state, then became a colony of spain, then was conquered at least partly accidentally by America, which immediately implemented a long term plan to restore its independence, but didn't do so immediately a large variety of reasons, some of which counted as "paternalism" but others involved legitimate fears that they would just be reconquered by another european country (from memory germany and japan offered to purchase the islands from america after the war and american refusal was strongly influenced by the idea that being a german colony would suck just as much as being a spanish colony).
Of course, less than a year after this, America was fighting and killing Filipinos attempting to establish their own independent government (calling them Filipinos is a bit of a misnomer since "the Philippines" as a united state/country/entity certainly didn't exist at the time, so america was fighting one of the larger tribes who lived on the islands and thought they should be in charge of everyone else instead of america).
So after killing a whole bunch of native islanders who tried to get rid of americans, america spent the next 50 years basically setting up a system where the philippines would be a free and independent (hopefully democratic) country with no overt american control... at which point the japanese invaded. So america invaded the philippines again.
Roughly 75 years after that, the philippines are an independent semi-democratic country that is no more controlled by america than france is.
You can tell similar stories about places like cuba and a bunch of other islands, although this contrasts with, say, hawaii, which america invaded and then just kept. Not to mention the actual contiguous bits of the american mainland, like, say, all of it.
So, like I said, things are complicated and knowing what actually happened is important to understand why things are the way they are right now, but I also want to make a point about letting past injustices destroy your current life or your children's lives.
It is, presumably, easier for me to say, since as far as I know none of my ancestors have lived anywhere that's been conquered for the last 500+ years (although I honestly know basically nothing past my grandparents, so, who knows) but that doesn't mean I'm wrong when I say that people should move forward to what's best for everyone and the most likely thing to happen.