dnlosx
3 hours ago
I will speak from my experience. When I was younger, I considered myself very smart, and I was pretty unhappy. As I grew, I met people much smarter than me; I stopped seeing myself as "the smart" one, and now I am pretty happy.
It's not that I became happier because I became less smart; I became happier when I stopped thinking my value was based on my intelligence, so I stopped trying to be recognized by my intellect and started working on my mental health and building healthy relationships.
annzabelle
an hour ago
I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework), and I let that label stick with me for far too long. I took some pride in how I could get the top score in a class without studying, and didn't realize that studying itself was a useful skill. I let this whole mindset drag me down through undergrad (especially once I hit the point where I really ought to have studied), and I think it made me miserable.
rootusrootus
5 minutes ago
> I got labeled "smart but lazy" at a pretty young age (high test scores, didn't do any homework)
Same experience here. I could find just about anything else I wanted to do except homework. Spent all night coding many times. Went to school and aced all the tests, skipped all the homework, did not get good grades as a result. My dad actually arranged a visit with a psychiatrist who did an official IQ test (wooo! I'm a genius! yay!) and then told my dad I was destined to either be a fabulously wealthy entrepreneur, or homeless. LOL
The joke's on them, I ended up deciding to succeed in school after all, got my BS & MS in CS, and I've had boring, predictable jobs throughout my whole career. Neither fabulously wealthy nor destitute. Oh well!
Real happiness remains elusive. Even though I adore my wife & kids and have what the vast majority of the population would consider a pretty cushy job and lifestyle.
whateverboat
29 minutes ago
I got labeled smart but lazy because I had dysgraphia. It took me a PhD to get rid of that label. And don't get me wrong, I loved doing the work I did in my PhD and I love the job I have now due to the PhD, but sometimes I wonder if I did a PhD and did a lot of sacrifices for it only to get rid of that label, and I might have probably been not as rich but somehow may be more happier otherwise. (And might have still done a PhD anyway, since I think I was inclined like that.)
Now I am still called smart, and due to the sheer effect of having to get rid of the label, also called hard working, and I'm happy or at least quite content.
annzabelle
14 minutes ago
That's interesting. I'm considering going back to get a second bachelor's in biology or biochemistry (my first is in math) and then going to PA school or medical school. I have to wonder a bit if part of that whole plan is that I want to show myself that I can be a good, hardworking student.
SoftTalker
an hour ago
Yeah similar here. By the time I needed to really study (3rd year of undergrad) I faced the hard reality that I had never developed the necessary habits.
nico
an hour ago
Sometimes accountability is not enough. Medication and therapy might help, as it can be the case with ADHD. Many people with it fit the pattern of “smart but lazy”
rootusrootus
a few seconds ago
[delayed]
annzabelle
an hour ago
I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 7 and took medication for it until 9th grade when I went off it because I didn't like how it made me feel, and I have really disliked it when I've been back on it as an adult. Strattera was better, though now I'm on Wellbutrin instead. I did a lot of therapy over the years, and never found it helpful, though I never did it with an organization focused coach.
I do think a lot of it was the attitude I took towards school. I know a lot of other people with ADHD who were less arrogant and approached school in a better way because of that.
throwaway173738
an hour ago
In education these kids are termed “twice-exceptional” because they test as gifted but have some kind of disability that makes some things challenging.
frickinLasers
39 minutes ago
I think you might be misreading this person. If the point of homework is to learn the subject, while tests assess your understanding of the subject, why do the homework if you already have a strong grasp on it as soon as the teacher explains it? If the point of doing homework is to keep you busy, there are better things to do with one's childhood. Unless the disability you're referring to is that they never learned how to struggle (because no struggle was offered)...
annzabelle
18 minutes ago
It wasn't necessary to learn the material, but homework counted for 20% of the grade in a lot of my classes, and if I had done more of it, I would've had a higher GPA that would've given me more opportunities later on. And, I would've practiced that skill of sucking it up and doing stuff that you don't feel like you need to do.
On the other hand, I had so much free time as a child and I spend a lot of it reading or messing around with computers.
annzabelle
an hour ago
Yeah, I was labeled twice-exceptional and medicated for it, but there was also this general thing where I felt like I was special for not needing to study and that it was something to take pride in, which I don't think is inherent to ADHD. I have some friends who also have ADHD and are decently smart, but they have always taken pride in being hard workers, and have come out much more academically successful than I did.
ColdStream
30 minutes ago
It was Buddhism Monk Ajhan Brahm, before he started down that path he was going down the university path studying theoretical physics. The one thing that stood out to him was just how miserable so many of the smarter people where, and just how much they clung to their ego's and status. There was a moment when it dawned on him "I don't want to be anything like these people!".
Another great one was this by Gen Kelsang Sherab. In his final interview for his music studies they asked something like "How will you pursue this in future?", his response was "I will not, I choose to pursue happiness."
PaulRobinson
an hour ago
My dad once told me that being smart was a curse in some ways, but he framed it as having a World view that few others had.
I think however your take on it is closer: when you're smart, you're told you're smart (both as a positive and as a negative - I was bullied for it), it just becomes part of your self dialogue and identity and it gets in the way.
It's taken years of therapy for me to get to the point where I realised none of that really mattered as much as having great relationships with people I liked, and going for long walks in green spaces and not thinking about anything.
xivzgrev
an hour ago
how did you make this transition?
i still, deep down, identify as being "smart". i don't like being wrong, and it's my go-to ego lick at work, "well bad thing x may have happened, but at least I'm still valued for being smart". it was my label in high school that i've never quite shed.
obviously now i have so many more facets - father, husband, leader, writer/reader. Smartness is just raw horsepower, it's what you do with it that matters. And there's lots of kinds of "smarts". As an example, my wife wasn't the traditional "book smart" but she's emotionally & street smart - knows how to get things done, how to think on her feet, etc.
but still despite that increased richness from life experience, I'm still "smart" and hold on to it
stasomatic
8 minutes ago
i still, deep down, identify as being "smart".
Is it that you think you are smart, or smarter than the others? Is it about your deeper knowledge about a few specific subjects that interest you but not others?
I've been and am in this trap. I think I am not dim. I doubt it's genetic, because I have living relatives, so :) I am smart about USB-C accessories, nobody else cares. They are smart about living their lives to the fullest.
dnlosx
an hour ago
My process was a multi-year process of recognizing my vulnerabilities. A couple of things that come to mind.
Meeting and liking people who were really different from me, with mindsets completely different. The kind of people I would previously judge as "dumb" were suddenly teaching things that improved my life. For example, my beliefs are science-oriented, and I am very skeptical, but now I have close friends who are esotericists, and I really enjoy passing time with them.
The book "The Courage To Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. Help me a lot to understand myself and my insecurities.
christophilus
an hour ago
For me, I realized how insufferable my smart friends were, and I looked at people who I admired and whose company I enjoyed, and I realized humility was a key trait among the people I liked best. I’m still insufferable, though, but hopefully less than before!
ColdStream
26 minutes ago
Like the whole meme of "Well actually...".
Sometimes you just need to let it go, choose peace over proving something. Occasionally I still get caught up in something but it is very rare nowadays.