I used to travel to the U.S. every year or two for this or that and I always left thinking about just how stressed out I'd be if I had to live there. There's a sense of having to have your "guard up" so much. That someone or something is always out to screw you. That you need gates on your communities. That your kids' school is going to get shot up. That cops might be the enemy. That you'll depend on someone in a moment of vulnerability and you'll be part of the wrong tribe. That you're a medical event away from financial catastrophe. That even when you have medical insurance, they're trying to screw you. That healthcare is tied to employment. That your government really wants to !@#$ you and your civic duty is becoming a full-time job.

I think it's possible that a lot of this is subjective personal bias, and people may tell me it's not actually that bad. But I also wonder if the people who have to live their lives in it long term are just used to it. And if they were to step outside of it for long enough like this blogger, they might detox from the stress.

I think what I do know for sure is that "it's like this everywhere" feels certainly wrong. Everywhere is different and I don't accept that every single form of different is equal. There are better and worse versions of different.

> Every time I leave the US, I’m always struck by how happy other people seem to be.

Every time I visit a place I get the impression that people are happier, but it's just an impression based on something you notice and experience for a very short amount of time. You'll see happy and desperate people anywhere, I don't think it has to do with the place.

> Actually, I think I say that about everywhere I travel.

That's it.

I'm living in Thailand, the self-declared Land of Smiles, and ... it's not very smiley.

I visit Japan, which social media seems to say is a terrible place to work and make friends, and it strikes me as much more friendly and outgoing. Same when I'm in the States, where I find it far easier to strike up a random conversation and enjoy the nods on the sidewalk.

Somehow I think the core differences is wherever you spend the most time, the gilding wears off and there's a core discontent underneath everything everywhere if you stay long enough.

In 1 A.D., Roman poet Ovid wrote:

    The seed’s often more fertile in foreign fields,
    and a neighbor’s herd always has richer milk. 

I think this was where "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" comes from.

My perpetually-single friend is always complaining that there "aren't any good single women" in his area. When he visits other places, he inevitably reports on how much nicer and prettier the women are there.

I wonder if the author would feel different about a place he was visiting if he stayed there for a few years.

There's also the concept that "familiarity breeds contempt" and there seems to be some evidence to support this.

https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-23056-008

I disagree to the maximum extent possible. I have lived in 6 countries. Americans to me are by far most friendly and supportive of new ideas.

When you are visiting a place, you see it with rosy eyes. You are not forced to deal with the day to day difficulties of life, the commute, the commitments, the finances, the outrage about politics and so on. So, comparing the harsh reality of 'back home' against an environment where you don't have to deal with those is going to obviously come out different. When you live in a country for a while, only then the so-called 'bitterness' catches up to you.

There are millions of happy, good people in America. Grass is always greener. You see novelty when you travel.

It’s not black and white.

The article doesn’t mention moving to another country, working a local job and enjoying it.

America is absolutely great if you get lucky and want to make a ton of money. I messed up, I didn’t do well on my Amazon or Meta interviews. But say I did 6 or 7 years ago.

Assuming I survived long enough for the 4 year vesting period I’d already have enough to retire. The world is full of safer and cheaper places,

No other country really offers this opportunity. My own career, dropping out of college and coding Unity games until I magically had a 6 figure career , is largely an American dream.

On the flip side, in almost every other developed country people don’t choose between medicine and rent.

Let’s say you have a chronic , but manageable health condition and a great job. You get fired in May, your wife files for divorce in September and you can be homeless by Christmas.

Now you’re in a shelter without the basic medic treatment you need.

Somehow it’s your fault. Tariffs destroyed your employers business, your fault.

If a bank needs a bailout golly gosh no expense shall be spared. A peasant can’t make rent this month, should have worked harder.

Combined with the prosperity gospel and if you suffer on the streets it means you made God angry or something. An infinite all powerful being and he’s upset you ate meat on the wrong day.

To be honest I dream of moving to a country where senseless stupid violence isn’t the norm. Maybe I’d have a kid and tell him that America is basically Disneyland if the rides occasionally derailed.

Every time I don't live somewhere, I notice that in the place I don't live, everyone is happier. Common denominator there?

Then why doesn't the author just leave?

If your only experience with other countries are 2-3 week vacations then yes, those people will always be exceedingly kind to you. They are more than happy to be kind to you since A, you will be leaving soon and B, you are paying a good chunk of $$$ to be there.

The fact the author was able to take a multiple day vacation to several top Mexican resorts is exceedingly ironic. The meals he ate and the resorts he stayed at are probably on accessible to 10% of the entire Mexican population. Those around him made around $750 USD per month. A night at any of those resorts probably runs around that amount.

If you visit a small town in the USA and stay in a nice bed and breakfast, you will find the country has the same quaint charm as several places abroad.

We can fix it with leadership and mentoring younger people. I'm trying to do this every single day. I love the spirit of people. I love the United States and what it has given me and my family growing up. You can project positive change and it doesn't have to be such a dark place. Look around you at the beauty. Be the change for the world and ultimately yourself.

> Every time I leave the US, I’m always struck by how happy other people seem to be.

Seems more than a little rose-tinted. I live in the UK and I can certify that there is a lot of misery here. Overloaded NHS, lack of housing, the Byzantine benefits and tax structures, lack of good jobs, etc.

Personally, I like living in the UK, despite all, but I also liked working in the US last time I did in the 1990s. Things have (obviously, Trumpism etc.) changed there, I guess.

It's so interesting how I feel the same way about where I live now... and even more interesting that every time I visit the US, people seem happier there than anywhere I've been before.

There is a whole genre of videos on YouTube where Europeans in the U.S. for the World Cup rave about how happy and friendly the locals are. Click on one and your feed fills up with them. These mostly start with saying that this is in rural America, away from the big cities. As a rural American that is my impression too. The people I bump into at the local one-horse town gas station are routinely more open and friendly than the ones in Albuquerque.

The author is comparing the locals to people in Baja California. Based on the above I'll predict that his locals are urban.

"People who live in small towns and rural areas are happier than everyone else, researchers say". -- https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonk/wp/2018/05/17/peopl...

This is such an ironic blog post it hurts.

Other anecdotal accounts of very similar travels would offer a wider range of experiences, observations, and conclusions.

I'm American but moved to Europe years ago where I am definitely happier. I like the superstitious idea that the American continent is cursed from the deaths of 55 million native Americans since the discovery of the western hemisphere. I mean, I do t believe it but it does make a good story.

Maybe worth checking the data first...

https://ourworldindata.org/happiness-and-life-satisfaction

Consider: life may not be all about being happy.

You see what you're looking for, and that's about it.

Because of that, most people see what they feel internally.

>I’m recently back from Baja California Sur.

Well, you went to one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I wouldn't want to leave either.

On a more substantial comment, people seem much more happy in appearance and on specific moments than what they actually are. The grass is always greener on the other side, etc. The solution is and has always been to try to be satisfied (not happy) with what you have wherever you are.

>We don’t care for our children, our elderly, or our communities.

This is truly an issue and imo it has reached unprecedented lows.

"If you meet an asshole in the morning, you met an asshole. If you meet assholes all day, you're the asshole."

What nonsense. Of course, everything always looks so great when you're on vacation. Living somewhere full time and visiting for a few weeks is not the same.

There are plenty of kind, generous, happy people in the US. Wasn't there a gazillion memes about it during the World Cup?

This reads like twitter-level rage bait seriously.

> I think a part of it is the individualism we’re raised to embrace.

> We don’t care for our children, our elderly, or our communities. It’s all me me me. How do I get mine and fuck the other guy.

Capitalism, I'm looking at you.

[dead]

Its excuses. American capitalism/society gives us endless excuses for why our individual excess and waste is justified because someone else does it too. Then we get more excuses to blame the rich, the poor, the immigrants, the foreigners, the Jews, the Muslims, the africans, etc.

At the end of the day, a lot of Americans say they are one person while their actions prove otherwise. This creates a lot of shame, self hatred, confusion, anxiety, etc. The way Americans self describe vs who their actions say they are is vastly different. Then we blame the rich, the poor, the immigrants, the deep state, foreigners, etc.

"I love the environment" as we vote for a oil baron. "I love animals" as we shove more beef and dairy into our mouths and buy a 3rd chihuahua that poos/pees on pee pads cuz someone can't be bothered to let it out. I'd be confused about who I am if I said one thing and did another.

In modern America the individual can do no wrong. It is always someone elses fault. There is always a scapegoat to let us off the hook. DID YOU KNOW OIL COMPANIES MADE MO MONEY? Keep driving that SUV and buying beef watered in the desert.

You can count on Americans to do the right thing, after we've tried everything else and run out of excuses.

Americans are, according to our own logic, the most beautifully gifted society to ever exist while simultaneously being the biggest victims ever.

The sad part? We all know it and refuse to acknowledge or do anything about it. Its just easier to blame someone else, such as datacenters, or be a victim at the mercy of billionaires, while I get my $7 starbucks mocha. I'm sad, I'll get 2 mochas.

A good example is how people do things in really weird/inefficient ways, such as hand washing dishes or time drying their laundry, despite there being a dishwasher and moisture settings. If this is pointed out, the reaction is often emotional offense followed by "Don't tell me what to do!" Denial. Americans use their uniqueness to justify their excess. We get offended to avoid taking personal responsibility for our actions. Brb I'm ordering the latest funco doll cuz I neeeeeeeeed it.

Americans live simultaneously under Manifest Destiny and being slaves. It's wild. We are the greatest and the most victimized people to ever exist, in our words.

Sebastian Major from the podcast Our Fake History recently said that Americans are masters at branding. That's another way of saying we're masters at lying. To ourselves and others.

*obviously these are generalizations and most people will disagree with me. I'm not wrong. Start to look for it, especially in yourself. You'll see it on both sides of the political spectrum in various forms. It's entitlement all around. Look for it when liberals say "give em a break, life is hard" (excess disguised as compassion) as a person consumes 3x more than is reasonable. Look for it when conservatives say "God blessed this country and the Muslims are invading" as they open up pristine wilderness to resource extraction. They're not much different.

American culture was, quite literally, built on these ideals. This isn't a question of "Do I do this?" If you grew up in the USA you do this to some degree. If you disagree, congrats you're doing it. The question is how much responsibility are you going to take? What excuses are you going to employ? How honest are you going to be?

Powell reservoir (Lake Powell) is about to dry up. How many more burgers and steak are we gonna shove down our faces so we can feel that pride of a steak dinner? How much butter are we gonna slab on our plate as the western US grasslands burn unnaturally thanks to cattle grazing? Nevermind, it's the billionaires fault. Sorry I offended. I'm gonna go like some social media posts that are anti-AI cuz it'll make me feel like I accomplished something without actually sacrificing my excess. I could go without beef or I could complain about AI..... Eh I'll complain about AI, it's easier. I'm also on the carnivore diet cuz self-care trumps the environment and I need 230g of protein a day. (Excess disguised as self care/health.).

It’s the capitalism, stupid. Here’s a little blog post I penned a while back on the topic: https://www.ianwelsh.net/capitalism-as-mental-illness/

“ By and large, we’re fat, lazy, poorly educated, and blind to the state of things. It’s embarrassing.”

100% wrong. Didn’t even bother reading after that

>We don’t care for our children, our elderly, or our communities

This to me is the nub of it. Where is our humanity when people lie homeless and lifeless in stupor on the streets as Waymos glide by?

Some countries do better. Many don't. But we should always seek to model off those that put welfare of all people above welfare of one.