You're right, poorly worded. My initial draft of it had nuance that I think was lost when I condensed this entry down. But it was meant to largely cover cheating, as well as sexual assault, and any sexual acts that harm others.

My original draft from Obsidian:

"The smartest, most talented and otherwise kind men throughout history – who have overcome hurdles beyond imagining to save lives, get rich and get us the moon – still totally failed when it came to not giving in to their sexual desires. They cheated on the partners they love. Some even groped and raped.

It’s not discussed enough, but many mens hardest battle is simply not giving into sexual appetites that cause harm – cheating, sexual assault, or any other form of harm (you could argue simply buying and consuming porn is immoral). These acts can spread misery through multiple generations. And yet many men do it. If you happen to have these urges (and it's not all men), you must not give in to them. [[2026-01-06]]"

Sadly, rape and cheating on partners is far too rampant in the world, in my experience. But I never see any one talking about it – only the news articles and Facebook posts after the fact.

I believe that far too many men are messed up and have desires of sexual harm and struggle to contain these desires – way more men than people think. I was attempting to call it out, but I may have done so clumsily, writing it as if every man struggles with it, or that it's a struggle I've had (when I haven't).

Same.

Leaving aside the "If you're a man ..." condescending crap, that "cause harm to others" bit reveals a lot about the author.

Sorry pal, you're alone on that hill.

Ask a divorce lawyer that question.

I think this is where the "may" applies.

That was my first reaction as well. Maybe if we include letting others harm themselves or others by choosing poorly it makes more sense, but then it’s patronising to the opposite sex, like their agency is invalid.

OTOH I can remember being a 16 year old sex crazed sociopath, maybe adolescence is what op refers to? I definitely participated is some extremely questionable decisions at that age, and sometimes I wonder if others were significantly affected by my ignorance and selfishness. Probably not, as they were also sex crazed sociopaths at the time, but still. Such a cringefest.

Being ashamed of your past actions is how you know you are growing.

Maybe its that the social norms around sex are that women do not enjoy it and men have to force it on them.

The harm of that is that women feel shame for enjoying it and men feel shame for wanting it.

The social norms are garbage, at some point in life you figure it out by experience...

I don’t think that mammals are, in general, ignorant of the character of harm, violence, and death. Animals even kill to end suffering. Life is short, brutal, and violent. We do what we can to make it less so.

That does track with those who are most stridently Good and Moral and Kind and Right having some glaring blind spots when it comes to understanding the consequences of their actions.

It does not. One predator eats all the prey, because if he doesn't, the other predators will. The next year they all starve. This is a documented effect. No reference to geopolitics intended.

At the time I was walking about 4 miles every day for years both uphill and downhill. Around the same time as me waking up exhausted, the walks became harder and harder for no apparent reason until I eventually just couldn't do it anymore. No doctor I've met has been interested in diagnosing why, because "lol you just need to get fit".

Mating is where humans are still closest to nature. Traffic has rules. Love has none.

Hi there – author of the post here. I included this quite intentionally.

I consider rape and sexual assault to be one of the worst things one human can do to another – just behind murder and torture. And yet society is littered with it. Ask any woman (and some men), she'll more than likely have a story. And it should be obvious: don't sexually hurt people! I _shouldn't_ need to include this in a simple list of rules for life. But sadly, I feel I do.

I've noticed advice articles, personal development books, and "self-help" podcasts aimed largely at men never seem to address this simple fact: far too many men commit or have thoughts of sexual violence. This was true hundreds of years ago and it's still true now. These men are out there, amongst us. They're "good" in every other way – they're kind to strangers, they love their mother, they're great fathers to their kids (how many of the world's great men have an "allegations" section on their Wikipedia page for goodness sake?). And yet they give in to this disgusting, horrific lust that ends up ruining someone's life (and often their own).

I purposefully included it in my list, because others don't. Because it appears to be something that more men struggle with than people realise.

I don't care if it's taboo. If my post stops just one man acting on his evil desires and harming a woman, man, or child, it was worth it as far as I'm concerned, despite the controversy I've stirred up.

Having said that, if what I wrote was clumsy, inconsiderate or implies I have similar desires – as you and theblazehen suggests – then I do apologise. I am NOT on the side of rapists.

Edit: I probably should have mentioned that my advice was meant to also cover cheating on your partner as a form of "harm", as well as sexual assault. But maybe I was too vague.

Totally!

There's this one guy that used to be a regular of tech events where I live. He was building some sort of crappy luma clone.

Anyway, one day out of nowhere he posts on LinkedIn "PSA to girls, when at a conference, we are not reading your name tag, we are looking at your breasts[1]", and then some bizarre argumentation of how if we all used his app this would stop.

He was trying to sound like an "ally". I'm not a girl and it even made me feel uncomfortable, yikes.

1: He used that exact word, mega cringe.