Sometime in my late 30's or early 40's I noticed that groups started deferring to me as the arbiter of disputes and decision maker. They also stopped being as playful with me.

I hadn't changed my personality significantly, and I was baffled for a long time. Then I realized that I had become a 40 something man with a touch of grey and some gravel in his voice.

Somewhere along the way people had just automatically started thinking of me as the Boss archetype instead of the Bro archetype.

It was startling to me that my dumbass opinion was suddenly being held in higher regard due to the simple expedient of becoming old.

I find I have turned invisible. But if I die my hair suddenly I'm no longer invisible. Even with just a really bad partially grown out dye job I'm treated like I exist again. But grey hair/grey beard? Invisibility cloak.

Hear hear.

It's his strategy going forward. He isn't saying he completed his 40s at the age of 41. You would prefer he share his strategy for 40s at 50? Seems pedantic.

It didn’t feel arrogant at all to me.

I steal lines from Cheers on the daily.

It's quite simple. No major algorithm, people who tinker vote on things that scratches their minds like this article does.

You can't imagine why a forum of predominantly adult men in their late twenties to mid forties would be interested in an article about aging gracefully and maintaining warm healthy relationships with their peers?

Just flag it.

I started thinning in my early 20s and by my late 20s I was hanging on for dear life to too little scalp hair.

Then one day I decided enough was enough and I just shaved my head. 20 years later I wouldn't go back to a full head of hair.

It's easier than having a hairstyle, quicker than having a hairstyle, cheaper than having a hairstyle, and best of all, any time I've gotten hot and sweaty, I can just chuck some water over my head in a sink and enjoy whole-scalp-cooling!

Lean into it and shave your head… I started balding at 18 but regret not shaving my head until my mid 30s… it eliminated all of my anxiety about it, and women seemed to find me more attractive.

Make sure you're lean and muscular before you lose it all.

Embrace it, friend. Shave it all off and grow a goatee (Breaking Bad style). You'll get your mojo back and be better off for it.

Acceptance is key with all difficult changes. Leaning into it is good advice :)

Definitely a rough thing to struggle with.

Finasteride and minoxidil are a lifesaver

This is ageism and it's rampant and very problematic. He is ageist against himself almost as much as society is.

You should not need to do anything special to be a 40 or 50 year old (or whatever) and fit in with a group.

This is one of the last 'isms' that society has yet to tackle. But society will eventually become less ageist as it ages more and more.

In the Bay Area job market at 40+ you are 4/5 done with your working career at a high level of pay as a IC. It’s cruel, but post 40 and especially post 50 you are at risk of being let go and never find a similar paying job again. Especially in this job market.

Only way to prevent this is to be a director or unusually gifted as an engineer. Otherwise you are the old guy that wants too much money. I hate that the industry is like this but unless you are very high in your field your value to tech employers reaches zero unless your career has developed to a high level.

"Forty is the old age of youth. Fifty is the youth of old age."

The thing about 40 is, you're not old, but you see your youth dying. If your identity is in being young, sexy, fit, athletic, then that may be brutal. Depends on what your identity is in, and how you handle the loss of it.

I'm sixty and still don't see myself as old. 41 is still young.

You are surely privileged if you can make your living off indie software and are working for yourself where you have more flexibility on structuring your day, but I'd not call that "rich" in the regular sense.

Oof