I wouldn’t consider hiring you. But not because of what you describe but because there is no photo on your LinkedIn but a weird snake illustration.
You wouldn't be a great HR because of such a shallow reason
If I was posting my LI to HR I might do the same, at least for that week, so I don't have randoms trying to DOX me.
But I also would never post my LI to HR for the same reason.
Dude that's the logo for the sports car company Shelby, which is also that person's name. It's just infusing a little bit of personality into the drab hellscape that is LinkedIn.
Many smaller companies and startups don't do any background check at all.
Try one of them.
I haven't had a background check done in a long time. Smaller companies don't even bother.
Have you reached out to your network?
This isn’t your usual generic advice. I see you and I have four connections in common and they are all my current coworkers.
I just sent you a connection request.
Do you have kids / wife?
If I was in your situation I would spend ~$5k on high quality backpacking gear and spend March - August hiking the APT.
I think in most of Europe background checks are illegal, so you could also try and move there.
Freelance?
Start your own company?
I hate this. People having been charges with a crime n the past shouldn't be ruining their lives. You're supposed to be innocent until proven guilty, but all these companies (and government) use mere charging as an indicator of guilt to deprive you of privileges and opportunities.