It sounds like the crux of your question is, "How do I work less and still support my family?" I've not read the type of books you described. I also don't work 4 hours a week. I work a 9-5 with a 1 hour lunch, 5 days a week, building APIs for a small-to-medium sized credit union. So although I don't have an answer to your question, I do have some thoughts to share.

I've slowly become comfortable with the idea that as a backend web developer, I'm really just one of many. So no wonder I haven't landed that cushy remote job yet. There are many others who can do what I do, and at my current career level, most have more experience than I do. (Of course that will change over time).

So how do I get the dream job that I want? Obviously I can't get there by following this trajectory. I've been telling myself that I need to stand out from the crowd in some substantial way. The only way I can imagine doing that is to develop a niche skillset that is more sought after than the one I currently have. A lot of people can build APIs. So I need to make myself more valuable to bigger companies if I'm going to ever get the sweet remote position that I dream of having.

On an unrelated note, one of my best friends has almost the exact job you described. He's not a software engineer. He works in quality assurance, helping companies self-audit themselves so they're prepared if the FDA shows up to audit them. He makes over 6 figures, works from home for 2-3 hours in the morning. As long as he's available to answer emails and teams messages, he does whatever he wants on most days. Anytime I've asked him for his advice, he always tells me that he just "followed the money."

One more thought. I think as developers we get obsessed with building our technical skills. When in the longterm I think it's the people skills that matter. Also, there are a lot of jobs in tech and for big companies that don't involve traditional software development. Maybe the solution is to look elsewhere for opportunities. I'm saying this to myself as much as I am to you.

> is there no escape from 9-5 as a concept?

There is absolutely an escape from that as a concept, but it involves a tradeoff: if you're willing to live on a reduced income, you can gain more time not working.

Also, as you've noticed, being self-employed means you will be working more, not less. The wins of self-employment are other things, not the ability to work less.

> Are all these books about working 2 hours a week while making millions, are just BS?

Unequivocally yes. There are a handful of people who've pulled that off (and they aren't the ones writing those books), but the odds of you being one of them are so low as be approximately zero, in part because it involves a whole lot of pure luck.

Indeed, its a trap. There are many ways out, all have tradeoffs. Find the way out you are most comfortable with. Spend less, earn more, save more, invest prudently. These are the levers available to you to achieve an outcome.

I have spent almost no time on other people's payrolls (other than 1Y as part of a buyout) and have made it to semi-retirement with money in the bank, so avoiding 9-5 absolutely can be done.

You seem to be seeking to avoid working very much overall rather than avoiding the 9 to 5, which is a very different question. You are looking more at things like FIRE, except you don't want to do the intense burst of productivity route either.

To do that, you need some combo of a skill that pays extremely well for little work and a certain financial frugality. I have found plenty, but they are mostly:

1. Rules arbitrage, so I am exploiting someone's rules in a way they would not appreciate.

2. They do not scale. I don't make substantial income from them.